Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in darkestday13's LiveJournal:

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Monday, June 12th, 2006
9:22 pm	It's been a long 10 months since my last blog, alot has happened. I've met the girl of my freams, the one I deeply love. Natalie! My last year in high school was pretty good, not so bad, finally out of that crap hole. I am awaiting the slayer concert in 8 days, it'll be a blast! LAMB OF GOD!!! fuck yeah. I have been in my little rant for the last day or two, of being pissed off. (go figure) its just that people have changed, a lot of my friends have and they seem like fuck sticks. just by the tone of their voices now, or their attitudes. fuck them. theres a lot of people at maine south that I will not miss. a few that I will but, it won't matter cuz I'll make n effort to chill with them in time. But the other I say fuck you, you aren't good enough in my life you dick-shits. the nerve people have you know, just the way a few of my friends are going are going down the hell hole. I know I should probbaly get them out of the drugs and alcohol that they are in, but fuck that. It makes me feel good, when someone calls me and the first thing they say is "ey, you knwo somoene that can get me beer?" what are you? some stupid fucking poser? go fuck off bitch. I don't know what im saying anymore, I'm in a hateful mood now. Maybe I'm just getting to realize that life aint about shit that teenagers do you know, fuck your drugs, fuck your alcohol. (even though once in a while I'd like to get drunk, but to be drunk with the friends I trust.) its just stupid how people are. I just have a bad feeling one of my friends is going to turn up to be a dead beat piece of scum, and I don't want to see that. goodnight. p.s. tomrs my b-day. 19, yay. Current Mood: good (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 10th, 2005
9:52 pm	well I have a lot on my mind right now. I just got home from a good night that turned sort of sour just a tad at the end... I've been grueling out the last 2 weeks of the another hopeless piece of shit. I don't really want to get into it, cuz it doesn't bother me much, it seems the more I go after the "bitchy" ones, the more I get used to the following solutions and results, which are what many believe are sheer terror. Thats not what got to me tonight a few things were said, and I don't know if they are true or not, I was called shallow, kind of reasonable is it? sometimes I believe I think Im not, but I just can't help it, I mean is it as someone is shallow in the way of meaning to go after the top of the bunch of ladies ha, or that your just attracted to most of the good-looking ones. cuz to some of my friends they look at me as a selfless non-caring ass-hole. Is that me? cuz I don't try to be selfless, I try my best in my happy times to be caring. I don't know why it bothered me, but I guess to some of my friend's I am shit... so it seems. I'm sorry, but I am speechless and don't know what is true or not about me. Do others see somthing different from me, while I see somthing else? cuz I think they're wrong. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 21st, 2005
2:37 pm	too much.. I haven't posted on this for a while, can't remember the last time, but I have benn to a few concerts in the last foew weeks and about to go to some more soon enough. but this is what the story has been every fucking week. Monday-Friday= school. Friday-Sundey= Work. every damn day= thinking about one person. I feel exhausted, annoyed, cold, and yeah last year was a lot better... There are many people I miss, and it makes my stomach churn that I haven't seen my closest friends in months. I miss you guys. Now im off to work, where shit is starting to pick up there... yeah... and in 12 days GWAR here I come! who ever reads this still. I pity you. I'm out. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
5:37 pm	right on que so much crazyiness. why does there have ot be three women I want to be with. This is fucked up. I know I won't get any of them and thats what is the worst about it all. one is an ex, the other is a friend, the other is a random hot blonde. ha. sounds great, fuck it. nothing I can do really. Current Mood: not good (Comment on this)
Friday, September 16th, 2005
10:29 pm	A NUMB FEELING AFTER THIS SONG... from the bottom of my heart I seriously wish unfortune to quite a few people, I know if I wish death upon some of them it would either be to cruel and mean I have no heart (not fucking proven yet) and also it would be too much of a quick pain. I hope some people suffer. I mean this.. that is all... here are lyrics. Greed and addiction drowned their pity Washed away their thoughts of compassion and regret A world left wounded, slaved and raped Your paradise is hell for your descendants Cathedrals of justice in a kingdom of hypocrisy Castles of self-righteousness built on graves Masses kept in forlorn, nations laid to waste The dynamo of northern golden age Darkened our future, blinded by greed Sold your fate to the highest price I!!!!!! I don't believe!!!!!!!!!!! I don't believe in you!!!!! You are the enemy!!!!!!! You are the enemy!!!!!!! A rush into our doom, as if your God came down And cures all failure Current Mood: irate (Comment on this)
Monday, September 12th, 2005
8:17 pm	Stupid shit I want people to just die a slow painful death. Ignorant, pathetic, greedy, lazy, dumbfounded, aumption whore fucking pieces of shit. Yes people piss the fuck out of me off. This totally fucking sucks, cuz I just go tout of a concert on friday and I want another one, NOW. I need disturbed concert to come sooner than 2 weeks. If you think you know how much I hat epeople. then your fucking wrong, dead fucking wrong. Too many people that piss me off. Hopfully they snap out of their fucking tiny world and look at the big picture, or I'll staple it to their fucking forheads. I'm not fucking kidding. I'm gonna blow up in front of a few people, I know I will in the next few weeks, probably days. you know, I was told a very good saying and I believe in it 100%. If in any way I bring you down in any way, you shoyuldn't be worried about being on my bad side, its the day I stop talking to you is when your really fucked. p.s. I want to Fuck the brains out of Lacey Conner (Nocturne Vocalist) I'm out. Current Mood: fucking pissed (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 25th, 2005
8:21 pm	up and down... you know for the few days I was a little bit depressed, but now im just getting pissed. people are fucking idiots. I swear to fucking christ people are soo fucking ignorant, and so fucking stupid. they are dumb-founded. I hate them. I can honestly go through the whole school and pick out 1000 kids and know for sure I hate them. my rate of rage is sky rocketing. I hate it when people don't know when to get the fuckl out of someones way when they looked like thet're ready to take that fucking persons head off. also when people don't know shit about someone else here im talking about this kid at school. I hate it when people ridicule others, this one kid, pat. he seems like a cool kid and yet people that I know since grade school fucking tear him down. and themselves are fucking bitches too. you know, I don't understand what people fucking do in there fucking time, but people piss the shit out of me off. im sick and tired of the fucking cruelty of others, the dis;pay;aty, the shit that people bring onto others, and YES I KNOW I AM BEING A FUCKING HYPOCRYTE RIGHT NOW! You know, Im sick of this shit. I can't wait until I just go to work. Current Mood: Pissed (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 21st, 2005
5:58 pm	I can't take it, I fucking can't take this shit any longer.you have no fucking idea man. fuck this shit, fuck it up the fucking ass hole. I have been enraged for a few weeks, and I must release it. I tried a little bit by taking a hammer and fuckign breaking that piece of ply wood that Phil set up for me (thanks Phil) but im done with everything I know my heart can't take anymore. you know I have been falling over and over for nobody's. you want to know something. I feel cursed I feel fucking drowning in a pool of nails. I remember the first time seeing Jessie. you knwo I thought she was soo fucking hot, and knowing me I never had a chance with someone I wanted. well first date I remembr how fucking pathetiv I was, looking up to the fucking skies (while playing The Haunted on my cd player) walking in the fucking hot. from blue line to the HIP in 90 degree wheather. saying to myself, this better be worth it.. I hoped to god it was finally my time. for what I do for just something so simple. for somthing to make me feel loved... you know..? it seems like I do so much, I do asmuch as I can. just for that feeling, just to have someone. and it get taken away before it is fully in my grasp. its the same story, all the time. the same fucking story. different woman, same fucking story. you know what im through with this. I know I won't love, cuz I don't believe in it. once in my life I feel like crying... and I feel sick for saying that. Current Mood: cold (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 18th, 2005
4:40 pm	my last thursday of summer. school is setting in now. in 4 days the drama of school will set in. but the likeing in that is...I'm going to be a senior! It makees life easier I am told. well so far high school wa overall ok. freshman year.... don't even want to go into that shit. sophmore year was so-so and junior year was fun, esp. broadcasting class. and this year will be fun too. I have tons of ideas for a few short films. I have a alot of ideas for music videos. I can't wait to do those films, and this year im going to try and make them as perfect as can be. I'll be taking takes and takes of each scene, I won't leave Maine South unless I get 1st place in the chicago film festival... my goal last year was to actually get there, and I got that done in the very first film I did. so this year Im going for it all. its the only thing I am thinking about now.(cuz fuck other things) let me see, I should review this summer. Well June kind of sucked seeing I couldn't do anything at all, I was healing from my surgery. July was fun as hell, lots of hanging out with Adam T. 4th of July was awsome, we blew up a few things. Got to know a lot more about Kristy and Becky, at first in school all they were were pretty much aquaitainces, then got to know them better, and I believe Im pretty good friends with them. Went to concerts in July, ozzfest was fucking heavenly!!!! I remember pin point songs from start to finish and what I did during those song. Like All against All by The Haunted... holy shit I went fucking insane!!!!!!!I better be in the ozzfets DVD. lol. then I hung out with Kristy, Will, Joey, and Becky alot in August. Hung out with Adam T. pretty much the whole summer. some funny shit this whole summer. lots of funny sayings. like "blah blah blah im a stupiod whore" and "Pick a house!" "I'm the barracuda" Also in august, it was full of false hope.... once again another woman, and another false sense of security, and love is no longer apart of me. Work was cool this summer, lots of long night at the alley while no one was there and just bowled for the fun of it, 2:30 in the morning and bowling. Bet you never did that. Also playing poker, playing football, and supposedly going to paradise road but never happened. they were a few things I regret this summer. One was thinking I would have someone to be with.. but you can't do anything about that.. but the most important one is, I didn't hang out with Adam K. or Kyle that much this summer, which I wanted to do alot of. but Summer goes fucking fast. now kyle is off to Iowa so I won't see him til november, and Adam will be at Depaul. But I am most definetly going to visit as much as fucking possible. after I get my license whihc will be in a week. well this has been a hell; of a summer, it was the summer of James. but with a few more things to happen and it would've been one summer to be a legacy. Oh and I got my camera, but regretting that I didn't get it earlier. but now I will have it for next year and all year. have fun to all of my friends going to college. I'll miss the ones that are going out of state, and I will see the rest of you that are staying in ilinois. that is it. peace out. oh and fuck love. didn't do shit for me. But i thank all my friends for being there for me. : ) see all of you alter on, hofully very soon. Current Mood: Better (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 13th, 2005
5:17 pm	....... wow..... I'm on the edge of never loving again... It seems like the same role keeps on cycling ovcer and over, cuz I do not know what to think anymopre. I have asked many friends what I could do... this is whats happening, it seems like all these guys and ex's want to be with her, and it seems like she ODESN'T KNOW what to do.... which is scarey cuz I thought she wanted me... but who knows.... lonelieness will probably set in again in the next few weeks. maybe I never was supposed to love. well im going to go. bye everyone Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 9th, 2005
1:00 am	crazyness well,I am done with my NFL predictions and im very scared of them.... I don't hvae the eagles in the playoffs.. nor the vikings or the packers.. I do have.... the lions!!!! ahhhhhhhh. but I do have colts, pats, ravens, cowboys, rams, falcons, and chiefs. so it looks sort of psycotic, I will do playoff predictions tomr, to see who will be in this years superbowl. Well today was insane, work and seeing Jessie : ) God knows I want her and i to work out soooooooooo fucking badly. I just don't know when I'll see her next... cuz shes going to siz flags tomr and lots of crap going on this week. maybe I can se eher thursday before I go into the woods and die. hah. that'll be fun. well its very late right now and i should be going to bed. so goodnight everyone. (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 6th, 2005
9:56 pm	what in the fuck is going on??? I have been going out of my mind for the past few days, I can't get Jessie out of my mind at all. and everyday without her is killing me from the inside, I have been deteriating, slowly, and hope is losing it self for all the great fucking luck i have. I thought I was going to see her today, but it didn't happen, and I can't go back to work knowing I didn't see her yet. its going to kill me, workis going to flat out, destroy me, so I drank at adam's tonight, and if I don't see her tomr, I'm gonna get get drunk off fucking stuid at Katies party. I haven't felt so much about anyone, ever like I have with this girl. II just really need to be with her, she makes me crazy. I don't know how long until I see her again. Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005
8:11 pm	I hope this couold be a turning point of my luck what a twist of events in the past few days. ok this is how it went,I met this girl at rolling stones, hot as hell. I couldn't get her out of my mind the next day at work, I swear I needed to ask this girl out, she was just, everything to me, and I was dying to know if I had a chance with her, cuz she kind of had a b/f but was breaking up with him. cuz he was a dusch or somthing. so for a few days I forgot her s/n at my dads. then I got it, talked to her on sunday night, and first few minutes, she said I was hot, well I took a stab and asked her out, boom! got a date for tuesday (today) well if eveyone knows about my horrible experiences with dates and how nothing happens after like one date or somthing. I was suppose to call her monday, I did. and she kneew i was calling, and no answer, and didn't talk to her at all. so I was soo depressed, I was saying I will turn down all hope and faith of love for now on, well I went online today, after calling her no answer, and she ims me, and I ask if we still hanging tonight. she says yeah. So I leave to go to the HIP. well I had to take three buses and still not even half way there with a half an hour to go. well I walk it, from the bridge where the el is, and walk it, it takes me 45 minutes to an hour, Im pissed cuz im late and everything will be fucked up. I get there and thankfully she was late too. so at firstgot a little slow, (like every first date) then things kicked up, and everything was cool. her friends are cool, I already met her mom. lol. and gave her a kiss goodnight. she was online and she was saying how she really wanted to kiss me but her mom was right there, and she was saying how I drive her crrazy, and damn she drivez me crazy too. God I want to see her soo badly again. well I hope this turns into somthign really really good. well im out. peace. (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 28th, 2005
4:04 pm	hey im bakc, and the concert was fukcing nutz lot so craziness. but i got a few things on he mind. one being well at thwe concert in the pit before any band went on, I just stood there, blank and confused, I felt numb, a little depressed, but it twas weird, but when I got started in the pit everything was cool, and now I want more, I want to go crazier and fucking nuts, I heard a fwew people say I was already going fucking insane in the pit, but I want more. and I feel broken in a way. I have shit on my mind, and well I hate insensitvie people, the fucking pricks of this world, the fucking assholes of thie world. I knwo I cna be on e of them. but some people don't understand me, and are too fucking stupid to, i feel alone, like I always fucking do. and I don't know it seems like a few people I know are fuckign insensitive, and don't fucking give a shit but has bene handed everything they needed, and yet its too fucking less for them. too fucking less, what I hat ethe fucking most. I remember talking to my friend kristy about this, but I hate peopel that do shit to get a ttention, and not just anythinkg but like mutilting themselves, for fucking attention, obvious attention, meaning fucking telling everyone they fuckking know. it fucking pisses the shit out of me off, its so fucking retarded and then when thewy act like some one they are but aren't and they fucik gin should fucking die. it PISSES THE FUCK OUT OF ME OFF! look, I haven't been giving shit in my life, and im glad cuz I EARN MY SHIT!!! I FUCKING EARN IT!!! and I swear if this one particular thing happens, in the coming weeks. or should I say doens't happen. I will lose all faith for what we call love. look, i found this one girl, and I never believed in love at first sight, but this is pretty close to it. and I don't know... just don't.... so fuck this. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 26th, 2005
10:12 am	recap! "hello kiddies and goules. heeheeheehee" good ole' crypt creeper, I want to grwow up and be him haha. I'm in a very good mood today, besides the fact that the few days before hand I felt like shit, but after 2 nights ago, playing pokewr and flying a kite at 1 in the morning made me feel better lol. then last night was great, even though it was work, still had fun cuz I made my own little playlist of music hahahhhaha. I rule now!!! and drowning pool played!!! and I wenty insane while working! it was a sight to see, and I am getting prepared to go to goon road with dave and david sometime in the fall or somthing. cuz we all in haunted moods now. I'm bringing my camera!!! hahahhaa. but I am in very happy mood, cuz rolling stones to meet static-x then to go see them in concert and to see american head charge and bloodsimple again. yes!!!!!!!! then ozzfest this saturday!!! damn I can't wait!!!! Current Mood: insane (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 9th, 2005
5:44 pm	I Thank a few sources of mine. Apparently we have some winners from my last post. Some are mostly obvious, some I was quite suprised they responded, others I had a hunch they would. It shows through tragedy and pain, the memory of the past seeks through all. from the ones that I DO KNOW that have not reached me in anyway, I know they are weak. But to those who have kudos to you. Just one favor to ask to all of you, play dead. I don't want anything more from all of you now, the phone calls, the voicemails, hearing from people of what youre doing I don't care. even the postings on other journals like this one. Play dead in my life, I don't one more thing to deal with the people I call my enemies. now for the god damn last time. Goodbye and I hope the best for you all. Now on to better things, like today, first time in a long time I got back to work, like always fun as hell. Found out we have a new party hostess, only reason why Im saying this is because adam and Liz no of her, Rachel Nemis. Small world isn't it? James 2 and Nick already gave her a nickname, hah. Don't Talk Too Much, pretty stupid, but it is effective. She answered to it a few times, some good chcukles. but hell, isn't everyone a little shy when they come into a job or school or anythign without knowing anyone at all? She'll get comfortable there, hell I did. So the key moments of today was when Phil was supposed to oil the lanes, but instead for 15 minutes or so we were throeing balss down the lanes trying to get a sick curve down pat. we had a few people on the lane next to us watching us, and asking us how we do those curves. hahah. I have to go back to work tomr, now it is a bad thing cuz im supposed to go somewhere tomr, and I'm really sorry I will not make it. But I'll try to get there later on. 21 days til ozzfest. what else am I missing here? I think I'm done for the night. (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 7th, 2005
3:53 pm	quick thoughts Why do the dumb get what they want, when all they did was do something many others have been doing for centuries, and yet the dumb are the ones that get the cookie. or should I say... I won't go there. But today has been a random day, I feel good, yet I am blanked with stupidity all over this damn world. Lets take a good example, theres a retard and theres a genious, and both of them want this huge ass big screen T.V. now, the genious has always this wanted this big screen T.V. for many many months. Never gets it. But the retard had one big screen T.V. then he broke it and then many stores are giving him discounts for MORE big svreen T.V.s Do you see what Im saying? If so, then your the genious in this story. Think about it. Now, I have more on mind (what the fuck else is new) Theres many people I hate. We can see that. I can seriously name 25 people that I hate, and I know a few people that aren't too fond of me either. So we're gonna make those people pissed today! Because I like pissing people off. I thinhk I could start by being "hypacritical" right now, theres a few people probably 8 or even 10 people that I don't know of, which I'm not to fond of that say they hate me, but yet there still checking on this particular journal. Interesting isn't it? I say so. So I would like to give a warm welcoming shout-out to those who lie between there teeth and in some way "keeping and eye me" so here it is, the big shout-out..... FUCK YOU. Thank you for cooperating. I'm getting a headache, good bye. Current Mood: creative (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 30th, 2005
10:15 pm	THATS IT!! thats it!! someone is going to taste dirt soon!! I am sick and tired of all of this fucking shit!!!! I wa gonna bitch abvout something totally different today!! but guess who cme barging into my life cuz my fucking friend kristy wanted to see BS and then derek wnats to kick my as cuz I was somewhere where I did not wnat to be in the first place. MY LIFE IS A HELL OF ALOT BETTER WITH OUT BS!! HELL OF ALOT HAPPIER!!!! But poor Kristy cuz when online I blew up at her,saying im going to take dereks voice box out of his throat, so she said she has to go, and she finally saw the snapped part of me, and so did about three of my friends too. so now all of them see my bad side, well betternow than pointed at them right??? so i am in a huge rage, all I gotta say is anyone!! ANYONE WHO TRIES SOME TALKITIVE SHIT OF IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!! I WILL RIP YOU EYEBALLS OUT AND SKULL FUCK YOU!!! I WILL TAKE FUCKING SCISSORS TO THE BACK OF YOUR SPINAL CORD AND MAKE A DAMN LASO OUT OF IT, THEN HANG YOU BY IT! IM GONNA CUT OFF THERE LEGS AND BEAT THE MOTHER FUCKING SHIT OUT THEM!! I was already in a bad mood when this shit didn't happen which was 20 minutes ago. now? oh boy!!!!! then Kristy well, she's ok but damn trying to break my packer shit>??? nah nah nah aint gonna cut it! hahaqh peace out Current Mood: pissed off (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 25th, 2005
12:05 pm	I couldn't be happier holy shit, the few hours i was up today (woke up at 1 in the afternoon) I am in the best mood ever. well I'll start from last night. Last night was pretty good. Shannon is a really cool person and would for sure go out for a second date. no doubt. the movie was... eh. Land of the dead had some really cool gore effects, especially with the guys head gets taken off and the spinal cord comes out with it lol. I just hope that she would like to go out for a second date too. so we shall see. now today I got up around 1. came online cuz I was bored, and low and behold I found somthing very very good on so we shall say another "Journal" someone in past memory, after I commented somthing that I did as truthfully as I could. and well this person posted somthing that I was pretty shocked about, and I must say I am in a really good mood that brains actually do work, and people that I degrade for good reason finally sees there flaws. that all im going to say, cuz if certain people see this, I don't want to become as much as an asshole as I could be. peace out, This summer will kick ass and already, it is. (I win) (damn I got a big ego. hahahahhaha) bye. Current Mood: impressed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
4:47 pm	its been a while wow it has been forever since I posted on this... well here we go, I missed all my finasl cuz I had a ruptured appendix, how fun. Im getting better will get back to work in another wekk or two, but I got a lot of good news, well for started I can't wait until ozzfest! and I might go to Static-X concert in July, I also went to a White Sox game yesterday and I went to a cubs game a week ago. White Sox won yesterday hahah. now IM stuck here doing notes and studying for my two finals tomr, ugh that sucks majorly. but the best thing so far, is actually somthing that hasn't happened really yet. Well I have a date tomr night, with Shannon, she bowls in our the league at brunswick. and to tell the truth Im little nervous ( I mean yeah its first date and somewhat like this) But i just want tomr night to be you know perfect. and would really like to see this become a relationship. cuz I think life is better while your with someone, well maybe not but I feel like thats what I need now, and that someone is hopfully Shannon, I mean we get along, she has a great sense of humor, and is a metalhead. whihc helps out lol. I just really really hope this works out and the next few posts here are very happy and good. cuz I am sick of being so lonely. I hope this becomes something really good. I'll be back, peace out Current Mood: awake (1 Comment |Comment on this)